Money matters are important in loving relationships. Poor financial management is a big reason why couples break up and families fall apart. Being able to easily and comfortable discuss money, income and wealth matters with your partner and children may just save your marriage and family.
Develop ease and comfort in talking about money, income and wealth with your partner and your children. Couples and families should have quality conversations about money matters.
If you are in the dating and boyfriend/girlfriend stage, understand how your partner feels, views and manages his/her money. Does he or she buy things at a whim? Does he or she save regularly? Does he or she have insurance? And other things. You don’t need to know the specifics of how much he or she earns but just understand enough to see if you can work with his/her style of financial management in the long run.
Once you have decided to become life-long partners, are engaged or are in the early stages of your marriage, you can get into the specifics of who does what in managing your family’s finances.
Set your budgets as a couple. Be honest with each other especially regarding debt, acquisitions and any and all money transactions.
Work out between yourselves who will MANAGE and who will DECIDE on money-income-wealth matters. Share the responsibility for your financial future with your spouse. Come up with mutually agreed upon rules about spending limits. Decide on what you can agree on as “mine”, “yours”, or “ours”.
Part of communicating is agreeing on your immediate family’s goals – education, kind and cost of lifestyle, retirement, big ticket acquisitions, etc. As early as you can, start planning, saving and investing for these things.
If you have children, don’t wait till they are working till you discuss money with them. Once they start asking you for things they want to buy you can already introduce them to good money concepts. Take them with you when you go shopping, explain why you choose this brand of shampoo over the other brand.
Another important note about families in the Philippines – the EXTENDED FAMILY matters especially because we often extend our help to our families. Often, even after marriage, couples feel obligated to help out the family they were raised in, their parents and siblings and sometimes even cousins or even as far as the 2nd or 3rd degree of consanguinity. As Francisco J. Colayco often reminds; “you can not share what you do not have.”
So secure your immediate family first – the one you are raising with your partner. Agree on what and how much to share with parents; siblings, etc. Agree on why – what’s the purpose or the reason why you are giving financial help. By agreeing on these things beforehand you won’t have to keep secrets on how help was given. There is a thing called money infidelity too.
A family is like a corporation too. Corporations existence is to earn, make profit, grow and expand. Recently, CSR-corporate social responsibility or giving back to the community is becoming a part of corporate life and existence. The same is true for a family-earn, make profit, grow, expand and give back. Just remember – you cannot share what you don’t have.
Conversations about money with loved ones don’t have to be difficult or embarrassing. They don’t have to be often or take a lot of time but it should be honest and objective. Involve as little emotion as possible – sabi nga “Maski masaya, hindi dodoble ang pera. Magalit man, hindi mababawasan ang utang.” Respect your partner’s opinions and suggestions and think rationally.
Oh and just a last tip! Avoid talking about personal finances during meals and in your bedroom – use those situations to build meaningful relationships with your partner and family.
Edited by Guita Gopalan